and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
