and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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