sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
it glows. i had to have it.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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