eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
