There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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