I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
they need to just BURY HIM!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
