Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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