I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
