He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
