I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
