My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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