Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
