I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize