I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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