I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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