Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
