Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
