Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
