you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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