mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
