i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
