filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
