I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
