Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
