i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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