i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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