I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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