he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
