just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
