im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize