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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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