remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
