Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I need a beard to bite.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
