you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
well you can't waste a boner
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
