This is not my ceiling
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize