I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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