Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
