took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
4 words: hood of his car
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
