So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
