I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize