took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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