Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
