I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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