his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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