Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Randomize
