I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
