Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
