look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
