the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize