Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
