wakey wakey hands off snakey
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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