I feel great
I just peed on a car
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
