Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
