Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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