woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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