is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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