So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
