Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
