I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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