nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
