In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
