I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i drank out of a bidet.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
