Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize