My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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