I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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