like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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