So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
