By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize