why didn't you poke me back
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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