K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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